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JJJ · Joined: 03 Aug 2006 Posts: 69 Location: North Carolina

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This guy was not having any luck picking up girls. He asked his friend for advice. "Put a potato in your pants" said the friend. A few weeks later the friend asked how it was going. The guy said his luck was worse than ever. "Did you take my advice?" the friend asked. "Yes" the guy answered. "Well show me how you did it" the friend said. "NO, NO " the friend said, "put the potato in the FRONT !"

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Joe_Stax · Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 10:15 pm Post subject:

Not a joke, as such, but still funny...

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One chord is fine. Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you're into jazz.

JJJ · Joined: 03 Aug 2006 Posts: 69 Location: North Carolina

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The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
> The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
> The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
> full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
> gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
> I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
> demonstration?'
>
> The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
> Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
> The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
>
> Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
> The auditor's jaw drops.
> Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my
>
> other eye.'
>
> Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa
>
> removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
> The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with
>
> Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
>
> 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand
> dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
> wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
> The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
> decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he
> agrees again.
>
> Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
> strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the
> other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
> The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
> loss into a break even.
> But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
> 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
>
> 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd
> been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he
> could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about
> it.'